I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Someone signed my nipple.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
