i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
