"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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