.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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