You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
