My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize