tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize