No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
