oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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