the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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