we have pet lesbian snakes
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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