Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
