Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
