we have pet lesbian snakes
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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