That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
