I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
