So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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