Where is the hickey?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
