So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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