Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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