I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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