you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's always time for handjobs
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
