Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize