Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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