But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Pooping to opera.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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