you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
