My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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