she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
