just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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