i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't deserve a penis
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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