I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
