I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
whose parrot is this?
I'm like, not good at living.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
