just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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