They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You're like the curious george of whores
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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