Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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