if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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