She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
