I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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