i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
