Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i think i have two assholes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
