So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
