So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
