How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
