so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
