I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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