Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
