I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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