the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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