he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
