he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
