I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
