I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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