Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
