Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
