I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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