you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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