Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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