PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
