Yo dont text me then not text me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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