Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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