fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
