yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
