You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
