someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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